so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
