And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
