did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
