Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
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I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
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And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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