I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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