What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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