remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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