i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
