Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize