We won't sleep together?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
