then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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