We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
