he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You need Xanax blowdarts
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
