i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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