Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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