So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
