Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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