I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
