I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
