After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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