All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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