I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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