You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
