Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
