I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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