What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
