i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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