I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
