hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
