he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
