Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
