I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
