I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So here I am, sexting at work.
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