He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize