I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
