My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize