Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
