enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
