Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
