I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think my moral compass just broke
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