New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
