My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
