Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
