I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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