He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
