I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
