I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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