Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
