chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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