Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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