when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He is an equal opportunity slut.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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