Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
