My hair reeks of homosexuality.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
