Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She told me I should be a condom model.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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