it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
