He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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