so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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