He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
