Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
