your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
