I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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