protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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