i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
