How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Sober January is a disaster.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
