I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
